Campaign:Episode Eighteen
Opening Crawl Assignation! Last week, the crew of the Mynock learned their new companion, Lyntel’luroon, bears a covert connection to the Kaiburr Crystals, one of the galaxy’s most beloved music sensations! Part pop-punk phenomenon, part perilous pirate princess, Zara of Zeltrose may be the key to our heroes’ financial woes! She may also be the lure to a deadly trap. Only Lyntel knows the truth, but she has chosen to engage her past behind closed doors. We join Smuggler Tryst Valentine, Bounty Hunter Leenik Geelo, and the Clone Soldier Bacta, as they fail to respect her privacy! Listen! The Plot The episode opens on Lyn’s “private” conversation with Zara of Zeltrose, upon which the rest of the crew of The Mynock spies. We learn several things: Lyn's nickname is "Professor"; she can be seduced by Zara’s smell; Zara is a bit jealous of Tryst, and wonders if Lyn is sleeping with him; and that Lyn has “the files.” Next, a scene in the kitchen, in which the previously-eavesdropping "boys” act supremely casual, and Lyn doesn’t notice. Leenik tries to make grilled cheese, but doesn’t quite get the whole concept. Still, he is learning. Bacta notes that Leenik's new interest in cooking occurred after reading a romance novel about a chef. We learn that Tryst has kitchen apparel for sex role-play. And we wonder whether Tryst is a virgin. We don’t even know if Tryst can read. Leenik, "I know he can’t read." Tryst replies, "Everyone has their opinion." Lyn gives advice for the upcoming meeting with the Kaiburr Crystals . Tomorrow night, they will contact Thumper who will escort them backstage. Since they are pirates, Lyn urges gifts that can be sold, like drugs. Leenik volunteers his hand-made papier-mâché busts of the three members of the group, which Lyn feels will be received well. And since they don’t like humans, she suggests that Leenik be the leader. He fumbles a simple magic trick in an attempt to show that he is a strong leader. Tryst hands the clipboard to Bacta. He can’t use it, since he’s been drinking. They briefly discuss the rules of decorum, and then attempt to get down to a discussion of the missions ahead of them: the gun deal and a contraband sale. Bacta reveals his need for a good blaster. They decide to conceal Leenik and Lyn outside of Guns Guns Guns 2 while they conduct their sale. After a vote (and a discussion about using yay, nay, aye, I, or other affirmative affirmations) they decide the gun deal will be first so that they’ll have firepower for the contraband deal. The crew proceeds to Guns Guns Guns 2 to meet Framboise and the henchman Cliff. Bacta, as Harrison Ford, shows a very short fuse to his temper. He is easily offended and says, “Harrison is getting steamed!” This leads to insult trading between Tryst as Mark Hamill and Bacta as Harrison Ford. Tryst explains to the increasingly uncomfortable Guns Guns Guns 2 observers, “Let me just tell you: Harrison Ford is notoriously hard to work with. I apologize. He feels very entitled. He is difficult and kind of a prick. This is common knowledge.” Bacta exclaims, “Meanwhile, Mark Hamill hardly works at all.” Tryst replies, “I feel like we are both saying things we are going to regret.” They continue in this vein until Tryst tries to refocus, “Okay. We are both hurt. We hurt each other’s feelings. We would like to do the gun deal, please.” The deal is concluded successfully, and Framboise leaves to find additional requested weapons. When left alone with Cliff, Tryst and Bacta proceed to ask more and more personal questions regarding his relationship status, his five-year plan, until Cliff grows extremely uncomfortable and Leenik is very interested. Through the coms, Leenik asks them to physically describe Cliff — in a way that is subtle. And in bulldozer fashion, they begin to articulate all of Cliff’s physical attributes, and with Leenik’s urging, describe his clothing. Framboise returns with an interesting selection: a few blasters that Bacta can use to take apart and create his own perfect weapon. Tryst is offered a pair of blasters that have a buckle with a heart — when you unbuckle it, the heart is broken. The wooden handles have shapes of women carved into them, as well as the word “valentine.” And they find a vibrosword for Leenik that is made specifically for a Rodian with suction cups on his hands. The sheath has a picture of a Rodian that looks remarkably like Leenik, complete with an eyepatch and a wig. They pay far too much for these highly-coveted items, and in doing so create enough goodwill that they are assured they can do business with these folks in the future. Framboise reveals that she has placed snakes in the garbage can out back (Leenik's hiding place!), and when they exit the warehouse and open the trash can lid, snakes fly out and freak Leenik out. He recovers as he marvels over his new vibrosword. Lyn tells them to cool it as storm troopers are incoming. Tryst asks, “Do we have to take cover?”  Kat answers, "No, I think you can 32 skidoo because this is the end of the episode." Tryst replies, “Cool. Let’s fight these stormtroopers.” Kat's Aside Ah, that classic RPG moment when the GM talks to herself in character for far too long. We're playing for realsies now! It's also time to make the trek back to Guns Guns Guns 2 (even more guns). Star Wars Lingo Notes: Glee Anselm: A water planet. Best known as the Nautolan home planet. Ducky: Good Aurek: Roughly the letter "A". Aurek is the first letter of the Aurebesh (basic) alphabet. Lambda: Folks on the lam - fugitives. Frink: A Corellian expletive. Frang: A Twi'lek expletive. Bits *Beef Brief (a weekly subpodcast of What's My Beef? *Leenik’s novel: He recently read a romance about a chef, but the name is uncertain. Nebuli and Nebulia? *“Is this an episode of We Know Guns?” — As they continue to exhibit a lack of basic Star Wars weaponry. Nicknames *Fond nicknames for Leenik: “Bugface” by Tryst. Fan is short for “FANatic" by Tryst, which is countered by Leenik, "And for FANtastic." *Lyntel is called "Professor" by Zara, who in turn is called "Princess" by Lyn.